Christmas?

So I'm standing in the main aisle of a department store staring at the additional 50% off Christmas merchandise when I suddenly realize I'm wondering, "How many more days until Christmas?"

It's FEBRUARY! Where did Christmas go?
We actually had a pretty wonderful Christmas ... Church celebration, fun with extended family, a mountain of presents for the kids, and lots of photos. How did I forget?

The truth is life has been turned upside down for the past 16 months. My children and I still don't have our belongings, my bed is located inconveniently in the middle of our family room, I've had to complete the 12 hour round-trip ride several times for court, and every time I think things might be slowing (and I can catch my breath) the rug gets pulled out from under me again.

Living life married to a manipulative abuser is painful. He lies, he cheats, he hates, he deceives, and he plays the victim continuously. Worse than enduring his abuse is watching him behave that way toward our children! Cara has been asking me for her toys, the ones we left back at the house. She talks about what she would like to do with the toys if she had them here with her. She talks about the memories she has of playing with them, and imagines how fun it would be to play with them now. She asks me why Daddy won't let her bring them home. I have no control over this situation ... I've been trying to get my Bible, makeup, clothing, and eyeglasses for over a year (along with just about everything else I own).

What do you say to a 3 year old who simply wants her Fisher Price castle, a tambourine, some sand toys, and The Little Mermaid DVD? I decided to empower her - to encourage her to use her voice and ask her father for the items. She is not easily distracted from her goal so for the past few weeks she has directly asked her father for said items EVERY time she has contact with him. I have listened to him dismiss, trivialize, and discount her feelings. I erroneously thought he would care about her feelings and consider her requests seriously. She has come to me excited thinking he's going to give her toys back when I can hear though his intentionally confusing words that he's leading her down an illogical path or simply changing the subject. He ignores what he doesn't want to hear and she walks away saying, "Daddy needs to say he's sorry". What preschooler should understand this kind of abuse?

It has been a difficult year. Things are so much better than they were before November 22, 2013; however, we still have a long way to go before I feel completely safe. My point ... When you're fighting a war it's hard to remember what day it is. Cara's toy story is just a glimpse of what my children have had to endure. The weight of the world should never be on the shoulders of a 3 year old - my little girl thinks it's her job to protect her sisters during visitation! Please join me in praying for supervised visitation and sole custody.