November 22 - HOME

November 22, 2013 will always be a memorable date for me ... exactly 1 month before my 6 year wedding anniversary and almost exactly 1 month after Joe announced that he had filed for divorce. It is the day I arrived on my parents' doorstep with 3 small children, a car full of toys, and a broken heart. Beaten down, bruised, emotionally tormented, and in tremendous pain I arrived at an open door and safe arms to run into. As I drove down 294 it occurred to me that after 9 years, 3 children, and 350 miles I was finally home!

Just over 2 months later I have a moment to catch my breath and reflect upon the changes in our lives. It was a Friday, Katie's final day of preschool before Thanksgiving break, so we left after lunch; meaning that we arrived just in time for dinner. There was a baked chicken surrounded with roasted potatoes and carrots awaiting our arrival. A short time later Cara and Katie went to sleep for their 1st 12 hour night ever, and this has become the new norm. The big girls quickly adopted a new sleep routine, 7pm - 7am, resulting in happier, healthier, more energetic children; they finally woke up looking well rested!

When we arrived Juliana was crawling and cruising, receiving most of her nourishment from nursing, and she relied solely on crying to communicate. Today she runs, climbs stairs, eats 3 jars a day, loves table food, uses sign language, and is talking! She is a baby on the go. This little girl is determined to keep up with her big sisters. She can also entertain herself with toys, loves to play with people, and uses her 4 little teeth to playfully bite the spoon while being fed. She grew into 6-12 month clothes; outgrowing all her 9 month blanket sleepers, and has acquired a new Gymboree wardrobe of clearanced winter items. She is still working on sleeping though the night, but in her defense the teething has been unrelenting. She is a joy and a delight, reminding me just how beautiful this world God created can really be.

Cara has also grown tremendously; 2T clothes are no longer too big. She loves to explore and do art projects. Testing the limits is Cara's forte, and she keeps us all on our toes. She would still benefit from an occasional nap, but thankfully the new sleep routine has assisted in this transition she initiated. Less television, more imaginative play, and a new ballet class have contributed greatly in filling Cara's days with enrichment. She has become more obedient, pee-pee potty trained, super talkative, and quite opinionated about fashion. She is my most social child, making friends wherever she goes. She loves church and asks to go to Promiseland multiple times per week. Cara is acting more secure and happier than I've ever seen. The only exception being when Joe calls on the phone and she runs screaming into the safety of Grandpa's arms. We all fear for her emotional state the 1st time he gets to be alone with her, but in the meantime we're working on developing the clarity of her speech and helping her to feel safe here in her new home!

My mom has been an incredible help in creating a menu full of "safe" meals for Katie! My little Katie has benefited so much (see yesterday's post titled Day 4)! Her days have begun to fill with more significant imaginative play, unique original sentences and phrases, and new skill development. She can drink from an open cup (and will even do so at preschool), her awareness of potty activities has even resulted in experiencing some potty training success, and she has begun really reading (Sounding out larger words phonetically; for example she read the word "eleven" on a sign the other day). Katie has really impressed me with how well she has handled all the change in her life! She is attending a new preschool, seeing a new speech therapist, meeting all new kids, eating a very restricted menu, visiting many all new doctors, and undergoing extensive developmental and medical testing . It's obvious that the increase in social interaction, the decrease in ipad and television time, and the more relaxed environment in our new home has made an incredible impact on her development. My goal for Katie is to have her completely healthy and living life to her full potential in just two years. Please continue to pray for us as we continue on this journey!

When I arrived the week before Thanksgiving I fully expected to be leaving just a week to ten days later. As I lay awake at night sick to my stomach with the thought of having to return to the abuse I just could not justify the unnecessary hardship it would bring on the girls. After speaking with several professionals about the situation I made the difficult decision to figure out the house, legal paperwork, and personal belongings later. I traded in having what I wanted for what was necessary. I have had to spend money on items I already owned, go without "luxury" items (read: occasional cup of Starbucks), and have my privacy invaded as Joe has opened mail addressed to me and refused to forward any of the Christmas cards sent by my friends and family. All of this seems kinda silly when I think about how my children are thriving and I no longer worry about our physical and emotional safety. One day I'll sell my house and get my money, I'll be able to work and provide for my babies, and I'll regain my self identity. In the meantime I praise Jesus for a safe place to live with my children! Whether it's the giggles of Katie while Uncle Patrick tickles her, the happy squeals from Cara while Grandpa plays Care Bears with her, or the smell of my freshly bathed Julia because Grandma insisted on some more tub time I am reminded that right now at this very moment I am living with my children EXACTLY where God wants us! It feels good to be living in His will once again :)